The Blackness


Lungs pushed until even breathing is too hard, my mind reels. But that’s normal.

The blackness swirls in my thoughts and consumes everything, until I give in to the feeling of loss that I’ve earned. I deserve it, I think.

It’s a square room of dread where I can’t see around or under anything, the walls are dark and foreboding.

It’s a black whirlpool, one where swimming is impossible–I’m sucked down, down, down, into its unforgiving depths

It makes my heart fill with a weight so heavy, I think I’ll sink.

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My Immigration Story


My ancestors came from Germany, Canada, and England to America in the 1700s and 1800s. They tossed and crashed about on ships for months travelling to the “New Frontier” in search of a better life and more opportunities. Once they arrived, some rode into uncharted territory on covered wagons. Two robbed a bank and escaped. Others had to uproot their whole family because of the Civil War. Most of them spent their days toiling for hours on end, farming to harvest the powers of the virgin and sacred earth. My ancestors had to do things we can only read about or see in Wild West movies.

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To Germany!


To those of you out there who don’t know already, in the late months of last year, I applied for a Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange Scholarship through a company called Youth for Understanding. What that basically means is that, if I was chosen, I would receive a scholarship which would enable me to live abroad and study at a German high school for the next school year. (For free.) I had an interview at the beginning of the year. Earlier this month, I received an email saying I am accepted to the program! Since then, there have been a whirlwind of papers to fill out, forms to send, and documents to sign. I have two orientations to go to, one in June and one in July. Only two more months and I will be on my way to Germany! And as I write that, I am thinking to myself, “That is not a very long time from now!”

Pretty soon I’ll have to start packing! Continue reading